Today I had one of the more difficult HIV/AIDS discussions during my time here in Lesotho. The shepherds may still have been my most difficult group to talk to, but today I was really challenged.I was challenged in such a way that although I believe I gave a good message I felt ashamed of my culture, which for those of you who know me is an extremely rare occurrence.
I have always taken my HIV work here very seriously, and me being myself I never pass up an opportunity to give my HIV talk whether it’s at a village meeting for dozens or just to a few people I’m walking with. Today I struck up a conversation with a few construction workers from Maseru. They turned out to be not only very knowledgeable, but especially informed about western (American) culture.
I started off by poking fun at a door they had bought, which they agreed was imbalanced. As usual they were very curious to know about my wife, girlfriends, and sex life. I took the opportunity to give my standard HIV message on the importance of loving only one woman because they were married men. They had a myriad of good arguments most of which questioned my culture, and the fact that it wasn’t really any different than theirs: why should they be restricted to one woman if they wear condoms?
This is what I am seeing more and more of with men who are working away from home. Who cares, as long as they use protection? Right? Therein lays the problem. Upon further questioning you will find that on more than one occasion the man decided to forego the use of a condom, used it improperly, it broke, he didn’t have one, or he was drunk and didn’t use one. It isn’t the exception to the rule; it always happens that way with every single man I talk with. He will say, “Well, there was one time, when I was drinking and I didn’t have one. But I use them most of the time.” Unfortunately, using a condom most of the time doesn’t protect you from HIV. In fact, according to recent statistics released by the World Health Organization (WHO), using a condom all of the time doesn’t protect you either. The recent data has stated that 1.5 out of 10 times the condom will fail for numerous reasons including human and mechanical failure. This is why my organization LCBC along with MOVE and CRS do not talk about condoms as a viable option here in remote Lesotho where condoms aren’t readily available anyway (the exception is with discordant couples where one or both parties are already infected with HIV).
I digress. Anyway, the construction workers were telling me about their girlfriends at Ketane that they had to take because they were so far from Maseru. They told me that “at least they used condoms” to which I asked if they used them each and every time. They didn’t.
So I talked about faithfulness, the joy of having a wife, the hurt that their wives would feel if they knew about their girlfriends, and the general harm they could bring to themselves and their families. Here I was taken aback a bit when one said, “Well we have seen them all doing things in the United States just the way we do it in Lesotho. We watch the films. We have seen the TV shows.”
I replied that what they were watching was a sampling of fantasy. I said that the vast majority of Americans do not live in that way, most Americans live quiet lives and settle down once they are married. To which they said, “Ok, but what about Judge Hatchet? We watched Judge Hatchet. There was a woman there who was trying to find out who the father of her baby was. They tested more than five men and still didn’t find the baby’s father.”
I replied that not all people behaved in such a way, and that they showed that person as entertainment because her situation was so ridiculous and laughable that it made for good TV. They then told me, “Wait just a minute…” They brought to me their final argument, and the one that dropped my jaw and my head momentarily in shame. They came back with a western porn magazine. They showed me how western women were, and by that logic it shouldn’t matter how they behaved. They said at least they kept things in the privacy of a home, and didn’t publicize it for all of the world to see.
I held my composure, although I was a bit shaken, and had so many things racing through my mind the most prominent of which was, well maybe they’re right? Who am I to lecture them? I went to college. I went to high school. At best we have a culture of serial monogamy. Maybe it is just too unrealistic for a person to control their animal instincts. Maybe if they want to cheat on their wives and have 6 girlfriends on the side it’s their choice. Maybe if they want to get HIV it’s their choice. Then the final argument came to me.
America has 300 million people. If even 1 million people lived their lives like they did in the movies or in the porn magazines it was still only 3.3% of our population. Lesotho has a declining population currently estimated at 1.8 million down from 2 million in 2005. They have a 31% HIV rate (give or take a few %’s depending on which resource you use). It isn’t a small portion of their population that has a problem; the problem is imbedded in their culture.
I shared these statistics and began a Platonic dialogue:
Thabo: I can tell you that there are bad people everywhere. You will find people just as bad or worse than anyone you know here at every corner of the earth. We can only think about ourselves. We each know what is good or bad. Now tell me how many lovers do you have?
Construction Worker: I have a wife at home in Maseru. I have one lover there, and there are two women I am involved with here at Ketane.
Thabo: Where do those women at Ketane live?
Construction Worker: One is staying at Ha Maponyana that other at Lebengkeleng.
Thabo: When do you go to visit them?
Construction Worker: I go at night.
Thabo: Why do you go at night?
Construction Worker: I don’t want other people to see me.
Thabo: But, why don’t you want other people to see you?
Construction Worker: Because I know I’m doing a bad thing.
Thabo: You told me that it didn’t matter that you had lovers, but now you say it’s a bad thing. Which one is it?
Construction Worker: (laughs) Yes Ntate, you are right. I see your point. I will have to think about what I am doing.
Thabo: You see, inside, each one of us knows the difference between right and wrong, between good and bad. You don’t need me to talk to you about HIV and staying faithful to your wife. You know the answer: just follow the good part of your heart.
The small conversation was one of my most challenging and greatest successes here in Lesotho. It irritated me beyond belief and made me question if I what we were doing was really correct. The interaction was wonderful, and in the end I felt that what I do here in teaching abstinence and faithfulness HIV/AIDS prevention was fully reaffirmed.
I hope I did not present the conversation pretentiously because I certainly didn't mean to. I don’t always know better, and when someone gives me a solid reason to change my opinion that trumps my own I will change my opinion. I simply tried to write the events in my online journal the way they happened.
That is the news from Lesotho.
Thabo Nohana (Andrew Dernovsek)
15 May 2009














































